Choosing your words

I was recently talking to my mum about how children can react when you say no to them. Throwing things around, screaming “I hate you!”. And she said I never did that. I never told her I hated her. She thinks it’s because I always took words very seriously – I wouldn’t use a word that meant something so horrible just because I was angry.
In a similar way, my dad argues that the reason I refused to use curse words when I was little – even though he bribed me – was because I didn’t know exactly what they meant. And I wanted to know what it was I was saying. When I told my mum this she commented that I might not have known precisely what the words meant – “But you knew they meant something bad”.

I think they were both right. And I think I was pretty right, back then.

Nowadays I frequently throw around words without giving careful consideration to their true meaning. After all, I’m a student. I have to write (and sometimes speak) academically.
I occasionally do it in arguments, too. Trying to describe something which I think is closely related to some other concept I’ve heard of. Wanting to use the fancy words instead of my own, ordinary sounding words. Or sometimes simply for the effect certain words have, as a last resort in a frustrating argument.

I don’t think using a complicated word in an incorrect way is as bad as yelling “I hate you” to the person you love most in the world, but I do think I could learn a thing or to from the old me. Maybe not by completely stop using words I don’t fully understand the meaning of (how will I ever learn to use them, then?), but by at least thinking carefully about what I do know about their meaning before I use them. Because even if I know that I don’t mean exactly what the word means, the people I’m talking to, or who are reading my text, don’t.  They just hear what I’m saying. So I need to think about what it is that I’m saying.

With that said, there will probably be a lot of blog posts here where I misuse words, either because I don’t know the precise meaning of the word, or because I’m exaggerating. That happens when I’m upset, and since I get upset about things I care about, and tend to write about things I care about… Well, you get the picture. Lots of feelings and words flying around.

I hope I manage to make myself understood anyway.

Women who accuse men of hating women and the men who hate them

It’s strange how often I get accused of accusing people of things… Especially
by men, telling me I’m accusing them of hating women.

My last post (concerning frustrating discussions about sexism and patriarchy)
was reblogged with a comment about feminist tactics. These apparently
include using self-fulfilling studies (?),  misquoting statistics and simply lying.
And of course – Falsely accusing any “real man” who stands up to them of
hating all women.

The most interesting thing about this comment isn’t that I never once in my post accused the guys I’d had discussions with of hating women (which, by the way, I’m fairly certain none of them do). It’s the fact the the person who wrote it
is a man who hates women. He actually uses quite a lot of the “about” section on his poetry blog to explain his hatred towards women.

What is it about feminism that makes men so eager to shout “You accuse men of hating women!”? Something that makes even men who do hate women feel indignant… I suppose it has something to do with the implied responsibility in our analysis of the world and its different social structures. You might not personally be a misogynist, but the system is, and you benefit from it.
Even uphold it. And I understand if that makes some people who were born men feel uncomfortable and a bit guilty, much like I feel about being white.
But I think it’s a pity that instead of acknowledging this feeling, and having a conversation about what it means to be a man in a patriarchy, some men choose to react to it with anger towards women and feminists. Attacking our arguments with comments that have nothing to do with what it is we’re actually saying, and so doing exactly what it is I have been accusing (some) men of
in the aforementioned discussions – Namely shutting women up by either scaring them, ridiculing them or twisting their arguments.

So I want to ask any man (or other person), who feels like accusing me of accusing them of hating women, to think extra hard before doing so.
Firstly, because I probably haven’t. It’s not my style. Nor is it an implied accusation embedded in everything feminists say. And secondly, because it won’t make me shut up. So don’t waste your time. However, if you want to have a real conversation about men and the patriarchy, I’m all yours.